hi everybody. well, on saturday, a while after i got done with my enrty, Ryna called, and change of plans. i did get to go out on Sat. kool huh? and i had alot of fun and alot to think about from that day. other than that, on Sunday went to church, didn't see Adrian, prolly slept in. afterwards, went home, got a call to go to the Hong Kong restaurant in handford to see Jessica. most of the AD team showed up and we had a lot of fun too. then i went home around 1:00 and took a nap til 3:30 and got ready to go to a party at 6. but to be fashionably late, got there at 6:30. was really fun too. met this one guy who i found very attractive. and who found me very attractive i guess. cuz thats the only reason i could think of to why a 19year old would be hitting on me, a 16 year old. got in trouble for jut talking to him. which i dont blame my parents, cuz we were in a room all alone. and on the way home, they told me not to be slo bold, they thought i didnt know wut i was doing, but i did. and the thingn is...i know the difference between whats right and wrong, and i know when a guy is hitting on me...i just dont give a crap about it.

thats it for now....see ya laterz

Sad...very sad...

today was suppose to be my day of fun outta the houe with my friends. but no one could make it. and my dad would not allow Adrian to go. what sux though is that after i called everyone, and found out no one could go...i wanted to call Adrian so i could talk to him about what happend...cuz that's whut i usually did...or used to do...this sint fair...this isnt right...i am seeking comfort where no comfort can be found...and the comfort that i did have has ben taken away from me...right now i just wish i had some one just to hold and snuggle into...someone who can just hold me and who i could talk to...not as a boy friend...just..a friend

bye

hello everybody. today was ok. except for the fact that i got Adrian mad at me cuz i pulled a Marcena on him by accident. and i'm still really sorry that i did. also cuz it happend at brunch so half of the day wasnt even over when i did what i did. and then i talked to my dad about Saturday. and before i say anymore, i'll just tell u all now that i am totally being honest with my papa now. anyway, i told him who was coming with me on Sat. to hang out...and Adrian came up. the first wrods out of his mouth was, "NO. The only reason why me and ur mom r letting u out is for u to have a good time and to get ur mind off of what is making u sad. so i am not letting the person who made my baby cry come on Sat. is that clear? It's either u and Adrian. either u go out with ur friends and he doesnt come, or u stay while he gets to go with them, got it?" afterwards, i actually had a conversation with my dad that consisted of more than just a couple of sentences and yelling. minus the yelling part. and what i found out is that my papa and mama love me very much and dont like to see me sad. also that the next time my papa sees Adrian, he's going to pound a couple of years out of him. luckily, i persuaded him not to hate him, cuz i didnt. so there was no reason to. i felt better, but was and am really bumed out that Adrian won't be able to hang out with me, not even as friends, on Sat. and i told Adrian that he could come...gosh...why do i do this to myself? o well, today was better though, cuz by the end of the day, even though i got Adrian angry, i got him to speak to me again and that was such a relief. and a lot of other stuff too. but that all happend lastnight. and I think I'll keep that confidential, for now. but what's still bad is the fact that i was still really effected by Adrian being Angry with me. *sigh* i got nothing to really be surprised about though, since i brang it all on myself. i just never knew i could get someone so ticked off by the slightest thing, like just playing around and a bit of flirting...i learned my lesson though...never mess with his sun glasses for more than 30 seconds.

thats about it...until tomorrow

if boys are such dogs...then guess who gets to pat them on the head saying, "who's a good boy? who's a good boy?"

hey everyone. well, another days has passed and not in the same way. time seems to flow ever slower for me. i look around and everything and everyone is in fast foward, yet i just stand there...and watch time and ppl go by. i feel as if i was a still as a tree, and just as noticeable as air. i was better than yesterday...but in a way, i wasn't. because now...i just do work. that is all i am compelled to do. there is no longer a use in putting on a happy face when no one is there to cheer up. most of what i put into the day goes to keeping on a straight face and being strong. but i just cant keep it up all day at school. i break at some point before i get my second wind. and that's during the passing from 6th to 7th. or when going to 5th. and even going to 3rd after break. those time are what i used to look foward to. and it seemed...that time just went so quickly...i couldnt get enough of it. but now...those are the times in which are the slowest to pass in my day...5 minutes seems like 10. and 10 minutes seems like 40. *sigh*...i wonder why it seems so slow at those points in my day now. nothing has realy changed...its just nore...quiet...and akward. even though there are almost no boundries between us...i still feel myself holding back. maybe it is just me...and maybe tomorrow, it'll be different........ah yes, tomorrow. i looked very foward to tomorrow...but i don't think there is anymore use in doing so. unless a miracle happend. but that is highly unlikely...considering the circumstances and the results of all this so far...besides, I no longer want to get my hopes up...like so many times before. and yes, i've found that is does hurt to dream...because it is just a dream...and it hurts to dream....when ever u wake up from it.

If love is blind...then how can you see that I love you? And how can I see that you love me? 

wish me luck for a better tomorrow...and the courage to do what i truly want to do.

hey, i'm back for now. and I'm guess ing all of my frenz out there (and some i dont even know) already got the news about me and Adrian...yea. just thought u ppl need to keep updated now since i havent been around much.

today was a lot better than i expected it would turn out to be. I didn't cry throughout the day, i went to all of my classes and did the work, and best of all...i didnt my mind and become a stalker. lol. just kidding about that part. but yea...even though my day was better than i expected, it still wasnt the best that i could have made it. *sigh*. i guess it's because i'm not as good of an actress as i used to be. but i was still able to hold it together until the day was done with out bursting spontaeously into tears while running out of class screaming, "i hate mysself...i want to die! why was i ever created" it never got to that point luckily. and hopfully it never will. cuz they say the first time is the hardest and that was my first day to comming to school like that...in a long LONG time. I still felt really crappy though. and i worried alot of my friends. and i'm sorry that i did. that was just how i was at the moment. pls forgive me. i know Adrian is enjoying his new freedom. or atleast he should be. he no longer has the old ball and chain to drag around and now he can flirt and go out with whoever he wants. *sigh* its hard seeing it and knowing its really happening, but what can i do. if it is really what he wants...then for the sake of Adrian, let him have it. i think i said something similar in one of my other entries, but even if i am sentenced to eternal hell...then let it be for his sake and his sake only. 

you know what? anytime i ever wrote an entry, it always had something to do with Adrian for around 90%-95% of the time. and here it is again. i guess that no mater what happens, he will always be part of my news because he is part of my life. and it will always be wanted, though painful at times.

Here's to 20years down the road...may it be less bumpy and have more bathroom stops.

good to be back i guess...hope u missed me

i'm also guess that now i'm going to have to start calling Adrian kuya again...hmm...i'll get back to you on that.